A lunatic we most certainly do not endorse.

In the past, we have officially endorsed a man who has sued everyone, a man who believed that doing hard drugs and driving fast might help cure AIDS, and, twice, Gary Busey, for reasons that need not be explained.

But this. This, even we won't endorse. A man named Edward Smith has admitted to copulating with 1,000 cars. His current girlfriend, Vanilla, is a white Volkswagon Beetle, though he still occasionally makes time to plow "a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger."

But fear not: he is not, he says, sick. "I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."

The Monkeys actively support the fucking of strange orifices; we acknowledge that people are attracted to different things. Barnes likes women. I like men. Louie is questionable, but he is probably attracted to women, though there is considerable evidence to the contrary. So we accept that one may like cars. Hell, in my own way, I consider abusing a tailpipe to be the highest of callings. (Ha, ha.) (Get it?) (It's okay if you don't.) But beating the bishop to a Herbie movie is just not an acceptable way to pass the time.